I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
