You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I woke up under a house in Key West
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
