My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
