Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
