Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
