I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
