I wish I could punch you in the face.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
