wake up i wanna do it froggy style
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
