Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
