Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
