At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
