I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
