So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
