Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Randomize
