Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
