Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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