mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
