The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
