I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
and i looked up. we had an audience...
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Randomize
