so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
