Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
