This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
