I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
