how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
