I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
