you would pick up someone in the library
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
