I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
