he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
