Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
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