I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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