Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
