Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
