..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
