I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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