so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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