I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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