Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Buhtt sex?
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
