hell yes lets make some ravioli
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
