Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
