I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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