After last night, I could never be a politician.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
