did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
