Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
