They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
