maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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