i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Swine flu is the new snow day.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
