Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
