Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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