okay pat passed out under dana's car
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
