you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
