i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
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