Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
