Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
