What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
The best revenge is premature balding
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
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