You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Its about making memories worth repressing
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
